I didn't get the job. Again.

Five weeks ago, I discovered through an old friend that a company was looking for someone with certain set of skills and experience which I happen to have. I applied and went in for two rounds of interviews. The vibe felt good all around. They were impressed with how easily I handled the "obstacles" they threw at me to confirm that I knew how to do the job.

I found out early last week that I didn't get the job I really wanted. It didn't matter that it was only part-time because I already had another part-time job and I would've easily tailored my day around both.

I tried to ask someone deep inside the company to check my resume to make sure I had no cause for concern in future interviews three weeks earlier, but got the "I didn't check, but I doubt it's the resume" brush-off.

I have connections and my network is huge. It didn't take long to learn who was hired instead of me and it was someone I have known since '98. My wife, upon discovery, angrily said something about the new hire not having any degree or experience. I told her the company probably had their reason for not hiring me. That didn't please my wife at all.

When she told a friend about what had happened, he responded with "Well, he is Donald Trump among his peers and the new hire? She is just commonfolk. That's why they got her cheap." Whether or not that was true, that made me feel good for a little while.

The point is why don't companies want the best possible candidates? When I started working for the black hole of a county government center in '00, it was seller's market for the people seeking jobs. Not anymore.

When I told a blogger friend by the name of Shelle BlokThoughts about who got hired instead and what a friend said about me, she told me "It's the economy. They will take someone who is average, okay enough that they can teach the rest of the skills to."

Sighs. At least Shelle was honest with me and with the help of her candor, I'm grounded in the reality now and ready to move on with my life. Let me end this post with a great quote...

"Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody." -by Henry Wadsworth.

ADSL's questions, pt 1

A Daft Scots Lass left a comment in one of my posts last week, asking the following questions:

"Whats the most interesting conversation you have ever evesdropped on? Knowing that you lip read and not everyone being aware of it, have you ever come across and interesting situation that made you surprised or made you laugh? I'm sure you have some interesting stories to tell."

"Is there such a thing as a singles bar for sign languagers? If so, have you ever been to one and whats it like? Is everyone signing all over the place?"

"Do you prefer to sign with a fellow deaf person or do you prefer to lip read?"

"Whats your most favourite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?"

"Whats your most challenging part of being a daddy?"

----------------------

Since ADSL's first two questions contain sub-questions, I'll answer them in "ADSL's questions, pt 2" (and pt 3) later on in the immediate future, I will answer question #3 which is "Do you prefer to sign with a fellow deaf person or do you prefer to lip read?"

Having attended my deaf school's reunion Saturday night, I got to experience both (signing with deaf people and lipreading each other) at once in one sitting. My deaf school emphasized strongly on oral education - signing was forbidden in the classrooms. We had to learn how to lipread the teachers. When we were done with our deaf school, we were ready for the world without ever acquiring any signing skill.

I had not seen some of my classmates for 30 years and it was rather disconcerting to me when I talked with some of them and seeing their eyes go blank when I tried to use sign language to help with the communication. One classmate was barely able to comprehend fingerspelling...and nothing else other than a sign here and there. Two of my classmates started conversing with each other, without any signing - just lipreading and gesturing.

I got bored with them after few minutes and I sought out others who could sign. I know it sounded bad...as if I was being a jerk or selfish. They were talking about NASCAR and driving/racing tactics. I have nothing against that, just not my cup of tea. I simply used that as my excuse to leave.

So it's obvious that I'd rather sign with a fellow deaf person than to lipread. Out of the 21 students in my graduating class, 14 attended the reunion (including me). Maybe half of that are at least competent in sign language communication. 30 years since graduation and only one could communicate with me in sign language fluently.

Poll results

That's the result of a poll I put to the visitors. Interestingly, nobody went for the final option because I considered that to be open-ended and allowed others to express their opinion that wasn't listed. Also, it was interesting to me that so few of you (2) were interested in my experiences as being a deaf person with Story Series/Anything funny (3 each) and Memories (4) close behind.

I will keep varying the nature and topic of my posts (yes, I will still post "Say What?" on a recurring basis). Thank you very much for taking your time to answer my poll...I appreciate that! My curiousity has been sated, for now. ;)

What do you get when you breed a whore with someone who's hyper-attentive?

The answer? An attention whore. ;) Yes, I was inspired to use the word "whore" in a post by Absolutely Narcissism. LOL

What's going on? I wanted to draw your attention to the left side of my blog...it's a poll asking you to voice your opinion on how I should guide my blog. Yes, I am an attention whore. LOL

The reason I am asking is I have noticed how the traffic really varies based on the nature of my posts. I know it's not the direct result from my rounds on other bloggers.

I started this blog at a blogger's urging (thank you, Shelle from BlokThoughts) because she was very curious about me, about how I would handle things, and about what my experiences were like when I was growing up.

I used to blog weekly on MySpace years ago, but it was more of using what was going on around the world and my life as my source of blogging. Got tired of MySpace's limiting design and switched to Facebook. Didn't like the blogging format on Facebook, so I stopped blogging altogether.

Almost three years ago, a friend nervously encouraged me to try out Blogger (she had a naughty blog and was worried about what I'd think of her - I totally supported her and I had no problem with that). I explored many different aspects of myself, but I never touched on my identity as a deaf person or as a deaf parent in Blogger. Then about a year and half later, I found Shelle and the rest is history.

I am ALWAYS interested in your opinions and I have enjoyed getting e-mail from you. Don't stop expressing yourself to me, either publicly or privately.

Being a bachelor definitely helped me prepare for fatherhood

Last Wednesday, my wife went on a trip to the capital city for a rally.

6:04 am - my wife shakes me awake

6:06 - after blinking the last remnants of sleep away, I get up and go to the bathroom.

6:19 - after making my rounds of e-mail, text messages, IMs, & games on my iPhone and getting dressed, I go downstairs and I see that my wife is already gone. I sit with the girls while they watch Disney/Nick.

7:05 - I ask the girls what they want for breakfast. They both said cereal.

7:07 - after washing two bowls and filling them with their cereal, I realize that there's not enough milk to do one bowl. My wife forgot to tell me that we needed milk. I use soymilk on their cereals instead (they like soymilk anyway).

7:07 - they are served and I contemplate washing a bowl so I could have a cereal too. I decide to wait and use one of their bowl. Just didn't feel like washing another. ;)

7:21 - the older daughter is done and the younger chimes in with "I done!" so I ask the older if she wants the remains of her sister's cereal. She nods with wide eyes. I take her bowl and return to the kitchen.

7:22 - after rinsing off the bowl, I fill it with my cereal. I pour in my milk...and it wasn't even close to being adequate. I remember seeing a small carton of chocolate milk in the fridge. Why not? I pour that into the center and the pre-existing milk doesn't turn color at the visible edge.

7:23 - I always start at the edge of my cereal and work my way in...the constant digging into my cereal has made the milk look more brownish-dusty. No real flavor of chocolate yet.

7:24 - I finally reach the chocolate-y part of the cereal and it's quite interesting to experience. Not bad at all. Just more..."fun"...to eat.

7:45 - I brush my teeth and shepherd the girls off to their schools.

8:56 - I'm still tasting the chocolate milk...the cereal taste is long forgotten. Made me smile.

See? Now that I am a family man, drawing on my bachelor days helped me cope with the shortages creatively. ;)

10 Resume Rules: Fact or Fiction?

Not long ago, I went to see a Department of Rehabilation Services (DORS) counselor about going back to school and get my Master's, possibly even PhD. She said, "Why?" DORS/VR (Vocational Rehabilitation in most states) help deaf people like me with the schools financially. I graduated several years ago with a Bachelor's degree.

I explained that the economy has tanked and it is the "seller's market" in terms of employment (meaning there are more people looking for jobs than there are empty offices, hence low demand for hiring). I felt that by getting my Master's, I'd look more attractive to potential employers. She asked me to bring my resume in. I asked, "Why?"

She was caught off-guard by that and after regaining her composure, she explained that she wanted to see what kind of job history I have and how attractive I am to employers. I pulled out my flashdrive and told her to print out my resume, again catching her off-guard.

After printing out my resume, she immediately broke 6 of the 10 resume rules.

1. Your resume should not have to fit into one page


2. Always use a cover letter


3. Your resume doesn't need an objective


4. Gaps in your employment history will not cost you


5. Any embellishment on your resume, even a tiny one, is not okay


6. Organize your resume in reverse chronological order


7. Put educational background at the bottom


8. Your resume does not need references


9. Use buzzwords


10. You do not need to print your resume out on fancy paper

(This was taken from Jeanine Skowronski's article on Yahoo! Finance - go to the link for full explanation)

What rules were broken? The counselor thought I had to fit three pages of my work history into one page, she felt I should put in an objective, she wanted me to throw out gaps of work history, she wanted to change one of my job titles to make it sound "better", she told me I need to put in references (how with 3 pages crammed into one?), and she suggested that I put the resume on fancy paper.

I tried to tell her that the one page resume was a thing of the past and she refused to believe me. Fine. I told her that I cannot change the job title - "What if a prospective employer calls and finds out I embellished a little?" and she was sure that wouldn't be a problem.

I decided that was enough of that and I tried again to discuss the school plan with her, but she kept hemming and hawing on getting involved. I tried to nail her down, but she wouldn't give me a definite answer. That told me she wasn't enthusiastic about helping me financially.

So, here I am...four page-long (just included the director of a center) resume, resume on Monster.com & CareerBuilder.com (always getting calls from companies that need warm bodies to telemarket - no thanks!), working part-time as a tutor, working without pay as a director for a center, getting ready to start playing softball as player/manager, and doing my parental duties. Anyone want to hire a deaf person? :)

Speaking of which...I'll post next week about something that was on TV last February which became a lightning rod for controversy.

Who needs sound to know what's going on around you...?

Emmy (of her fabulously philosophical "Right Turn Without Signaling" blog) left a comment on my post about stopping my mother dead in her tracks - "As my daughter's teacher always reminds parents who are baffled by the fact she's deaf but missing nothing, there are a lot of things that happen where you don't need sound to know it is happening. This is a great example of this."

Emmy, as I said in my response to your comment, you are absolutely right. However, the depth and the scope of how we miss nothing hasn't been explained...until now.

While I was standing around after getting my tattoos, the artist was trying to find something and I knew exactly what she was looking for. I got a piece of paper that was taped to the chair and handed it to her. She was surprised because that was exactly what she was looking for and she didn't say a word to anyone.

How did I know? First of all, she turned the chair around. The paper came into my view and it was a drawing of a tattoo that my wife wanted on her body. Then the artist rearranged her tools and accessories. After watching her be satisfied with her arrangement, I saw how her head came up and her eyes rested on the spot where the paper had suddenly "disappeared". She started looking around for it.

Easy as putting two and two together. There are other moments that have astounded even my wife who has witnessed my observation powers. Such as?, you ask (as I knew you would LOL).

Recently, my family and I went to our older daughter's school for "Trunk r Treat" where people would give out candy from their vehicles. After making our round, we went inside the cafeteria. I noticed some art, all using the same artwork. Ahh, coloring contest! My wife explained to me that each row represented each grade and each held the finalists. She pointed one out to me - it was our daughter's.

Of course, my heart swelled with pride and I thought she did a very good job compared to the rest in her grade. I tried my best to be objective and I looked over very carefully each art in her grade. 8 total out of over 70 students. 4 were marginally good or worse. I thought hers was either best or second best. I looked over all other finalists' art.

Then we all sat down to mingle with everyone else. Not long after, I saw a woman pull a single artwork off each row and then stand in front of the crowd. I realized that the woman had picked winners...and my daughter's artwork was still on the row. I was disappointed by that. My wife waved at me to get my attention and told me they're ready to announce the winners.

I told my wife "That woman already has picked winners and our daughter didn't win. Shh, don't tell her." My wife looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about. The woman started announcing the winners by each grade. My wife asked me how I could possibly know that. Just as I finished explaining my observations, the woman announced the winner for my daughter's grade and my daughter did the "Oh man I didn't win!" face.

At least she was a good sport about that. I was proud of her for that and I told her so after we left.

10 Year Anniversary Party

We had our 10th year anniversary party last Saturday. About 25 people came to our party, out of about 35 invited. Only two deaf friends came, but most of the hearing adult friends were already skilled in sign language so I didn't feel left out at all. The atmosphere was chaotic because almost half of those who attended were kids.

We made cupcakes (most of them were made from scratch, nearly organic) and everyone had a choice of flavors for a cupcake - vanilla, chocolate, "colored" vanilla (food dyes), and chocolate cake mix. The frostings and the topings were DIY (Do It Yourself) and the partygoers had a choice of frosting - vanilla, mint chocolate, chocolate, and peanut butter-vanilla. All four frostings were made from scratch with my taste buds guiding the way for my wife. Then, they had to choose from the gamut of...TOPPINGS! All were store-bought - Reese's Cups all chopped up and blended, mini M & M's, mini chocolate chips, chocolate sprinkles, and colored sugar shakers (red, pink, green, yellow, purple, and blue).

I am sure we all had gained a minimum of 2 pounds by the time we woke up from our sugar-induced coma the next day. ;)

Some of the kids went NUTS on the choices...few of them piled upon just about everything on a cupcake. Hehe! Mercifully, this took place on a hardwood floor so it wasn't too hard to clean up all the spillovers from the kids' overindulgence.

The last of the partygoers left around 9:30 pm. The party was a smashing success - people LOVED the delicious cupcakes and most could not stop after just one. Some even asked for a recipe.

Formspring Q & A #7

Q: I've seen/read about deaf people who can lipread 100%. How can some do that perfectly while others can't? I must say I enjoy your "Say What?" posts - they're hilarious!

A: I've never met a deaf person who can lipread 100%, let alone a hard of hearing or hearing person. My "Say What?" posts show the pitfalls beautifully where a word could be "misread" as another.

Want to make the bed/bet?
Sex/six would be great.
Go stand in the order/corner.

I could go on. I used to be envious of such people, but I realized that after meeting thousands of deaf people...I have yet to meet one who can. I am NOT saying that their claims are dubious - just never met one who could. My opinion? I doubt there's anyone who can lipread 100%.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Formspring Q & A #5

This is just too funny...a blogger friend asked me this on the last Friday of May and I got this last Tuesday...

Q: What is your opinion on cochlear implants and the impact it has on the deaf community?

A: Some of you are not aware of the firestorm the cochlear implant (CI) has on the deaf community. I'll educate you briefly (you can find more on Google) on why that is controversial. The deaf community is strongly opposed to CI for two reasons - "genocide" of the deaf culture and the age of the CI recipients.

Many deaf people feel that by allowing CIs in the kids, these kids would grow up and not embrace the deaf culture anymore. That does happen and their fears are justified, I'll grant you that...but on the flip side, I have seen children of deaf adults (who have not received CI) either embrace or disdain the deaf culture, regardless of their hearing ability.

As for the age of the CI recipients, that is even a bigger controversy. How so? Imagine that you are 21 years old...some government agent or doctor tells you that you must give up your love for sports and allow the doctors to scoop out some bone from your skull, compromising the skull integrity. You must wear some bionic modification and you must maintain it at all times. You do not have a say in this. You would not like that, right?

Now, imagine that you are a baby and you lost your hearing. Having CI will restore that, but at a price - you lose your skull integrity and some residual hearing when the doctors cut through the nerves to implant the CI. What if...you grow up and you want to play baseball? No, you can't because there's a risk of a line drive to your head. Football? Nope. Lacrosse? Nope. Any sport? Bowling, sure...darts, sure...anything NOT remotely possible of injury to the head and that's not much else you can do. Sorry.

I am NOT going to debate whether or not the parents have the right to do this to their kids or even the moral/ethical obligations. That would be a LONG and protracted post. I'll leave that to professionals, educators, doctors, and deaf advocates to slug it out.

My opinion on CI is this...if you want one, go for it. What about those who cannot make informed decisions? I always hesitate to answer, but I would allow them to receive CI if I feel that this would not be a problem for them later on. I suspect that my older daughter would want to remain active in sports and I think my younger may like to play sports. If that is the case, then I would not allow them to receive CI. My girls are old enough to understand, but not enough to decide on their own. I would listen to them first though.

The other downside of being a person with CI is being shunned for having CI. I won't ostracize those people like some other deaf people do. I have known a few deaf people who got CI and some of them do benefit from having CI. They are VERY happy with having CI. However, few others have stopped using the CI completely because they didn't like it anymore. They cannot undo what was done to them in order to have CI. See what I mean?

There will ALWAYS be controversy when it comes to "helping" the deaf people. If a scientist discovers a way to permanently fix the hearing loss without any surgical modification (think "Star Trek")...do you think the deaf people would embrace that? Nope.