Monday, August 29, 2011

Explanation about the dialogue between Marlee Matlin and Lisa Lampanelli

I was asked by a deaf friend about the dialogue between Marlee Maitlin and Lisa Lampanelli during Donald Trump's roast on Comedy Central when Lisa jokingly asked Marlee if she could read Lisa's lips while in cameltoe mode.

Lisa: Ah, look at Marlee sitting up there like she's normal. Ay Marlee, you read lips, right? What's my camel toe saying? (Lisa thrusts her hips at Marlee's direction and bows her legs apart - Marlee plays along, gesturing at Lisa to spread her legs further apart)

My friend didn't understand what a camel's toe has to do with Lisa. I had to explain to her what a camel toe is. Boy, was she blushing big time after I explained to her what a camel toe is.

Interesting how someone, whose first language is not English, could struggle to understand the slang for "camel toe". It's not uncommon for a deaf person to not hear of words that have long since entered an average hearing person's consciousness. Hmm, maybe I should do a series on that...

To up your giggle factor...

Monday, August 22, 2011

Say What? "I'm making eye-talian"

I went into the kitchen to ask my wife what we are having for dinner. She was in motion as she spoke, moving sideways away from me...

"I'm making eye-talian."

Me: "Hmm? You just boiled eggs and you're making Italian? Why did you say Italian as eye-talian?"

Her (chuckles softly): "No, I am making egg salad. You're silly."

Monday, August 15, 2011

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

The title comes from an iconic line uttered over and over to Ralphie's dismay in his indefatigable quest to acquire a Red Ryder BB gun in "A Christmas Story". The image of Ralphie was featured in one of Jewels' posts (in her now-defunct blog) last July, in which she talked about a time when a BB gun was used to playfully terrorize other people. It brought out a memory that I had forgotten about until now.

I was about 22 at the time when this happened. A bunch of us (all deaf) decided to go camping while it was cold out and we wanted to rough it. We agreed that we would use tents, digging tools, camping utensils, lanterns, non-perishable food, and matches. I thought it would be fun to bring along my pump-action BB gun.

Talk about being young and stupid.

After setting up the tents and a communal fire pit, we all went off in different directions to gather up the wood for the fire pit. One of us found a huge trunk and we recognized it as the perfect bench for us to huddle around the fire. It took all 4 of us just to move it. We could not carry it, despite us being young and full of spunk. LOL

After we got settled in, a friend asked me if he could borrow my BB gun. I gave the approval after telling him to go into the forest, keeping the gun away from us. The rest of us gathered around the fire for companionship and warmth.

We chatted for a long while and once in a while, something from the fire pit would suddenly jump out at us. We thought it was strange how the fire kept showering us with sparks. We kept moving further and further back from the fire until we were keeping the coldness out with our backs while barely keeping the warmth in with our fronts.

As the sun started to sink into the horizon, I got up to stoke the fire some more and I noticed something strange on one of the logs. The log seemed to have a strange round yellow spot on it. The spot seemed familiar, so I looked closer and...

Huh? BB pellet? What was it doing on a log? I shared my discovery with my friends and they were at first puzzled by that. We examined the other logs and found more BB pellets imbedded in them. That's when I cracked the mystery.

Have you figured it out yet?





Our friend had climbed up a tree and shot a whole bunch of BB pellets into the fire. I chewed his ass out about that because we could have been seriously injured by a richocet or a flying spark. What if one of us got shot in the eye? He wasn't fazed by any of that, despite my anger and the rest of us jumping on him for his flagrant disregard for our health.

He was gone for over an hour and he said he had been shooting at the fire for about 20 minutes. He thought it was funny how we couldn't figure out why the fire kept shooting sparks at us. Made it easier for him to keep shooting since we were all deaf. He refused to apologize. What a jerk.

Never went camping with him again and I never brought my BB gun along again.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Say What? "I need a mate"

When I went in to buy pool passes for the family, the woman in charge of processing was already familiar with me. She said what sounded like $118 and I said "Is that 118 or 180?" Triggered a flashback involving words that sound like "ate".

This was about 25 years ago, on a fishing trip while we were relaxing on a boat.

Friend (puts his hand out to me): I need a mate.
Me: What? What's wrong with me?
Friend: What?
Me: I am your mate, right?
Friend: Yes...what are you talking about?
Me: Why would you need a mate when I am right here?
Friend: What are you talking about?!?
Me: What was it you said to me?
Friend: Uh...when?
Me: Just now, when you said you need a mate. What, am I invisible?
Friend: Oh! No, you moron! I need a (enunciates carefully) BAIT.

I should've figured that out since we were on a freaking boat and he was holding his fishing pole... It's easy to confuse how a certain part of a word is pronounced, like "eighteen" or "eighty", let alone "mate" or "bait". ;)

Monday, August 1, 2011

I didn't get the job. Again.

Five weeks ago, I discovered through an old friend that a company was looking for someone with certain set of skills and experience which I happen to have. I applied and went in for two rounds of interviews. The vibe felt good all around. They were impressed with how easily I handled the "obstacles" they threw at me to confirm that I knew how to do the job.

I found out early last week that I didn't get the job I really wanted. It didn't matter that it was only part-time because I already had another part-time job and I would've easily tailored my day around both.

I tried to ask someone deep inside the company to check my resume to make sure I had no cause for concern in future interviews three weeks earlier, but got the "I didn't check, but I doubt it's the resume" brush-off.

I have connections and my network is huge. It didn't take long to learn who was hired instead of me and it was someone I have known since '98. My wife, upon discovery, angrily said something about the new hire not having any degree or experience. I told her the company probably had their reason for not hiring me. That didn't please my wife at all.

When she told a friend about what had happened, he responded with "Well, he is Donald Trump among his peers and the new hire? She is just commonfolk. That's why they got her cheap." Whether or not that was true, that made me feel good for a little while.

The point is why don't companies want the best possible candidates? When I started working for the black hole of a county government center in '00, it was seller's market for the people seeking jobs. Not anymore.

When I told a blogger friend by the name of Shelle BlokThoughts about who got hired instead and what a friend said about me, she told me "It's the economy. They will take someone who is average, okay enough that they can teach the rest of the skills to."

Sighs. At least Shelle was honest with me and with the help of her candor, I'm grounded in the reality now and ready to move on with my life. Let me end this post with a great quote...

"Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody." -by Henry Wadsworth.