Say What? "Grunges"

Me (after pointing at the branches in the trunk of my car): What should I do with all these sticks?

Wife: Where are they from?

Me (as wife bends down and away from me to pick up bags): From the backyard, when I cleaned up all the (indecipherable).

Wife: Grunges??? HUH?

Me *ennunciating*: Branches

Wife: Ohhh. I thought you said (fingerspells) G-R-U-N-G-E-S

I love having my own Say What moments at someone else's expense. ;)

Say What? "What did you murder?"

Got this from a friend who had this funny encounter with her brother...which happened when her brother walked into the kitchen where she was.

Brother: What did you murder?
Her (stared at him for a long while, stammering): I...I don...I...I don't know what you are talking about!
Brother: you murdered something
Her: I did not!
Brother: Yes you did. What did you murder?
Her: I don't know. What the hell are you talking about? I didn't murder anything or anyone!
Brother: Oh! No, I said m-u-t-t-e-r (word fingerspelled to her). What did you mutter?
Her: Ohhhhhhhh! You scared me for a second!

Say What? "Oh, it's just snot"

My wife and I were in the kitchen, having battered fish (quick, someone call the cops on me!) and she was stirring up some homemade tartar sauce*. She moved away from the sauce, I saw something fly from her face, and I felt that hit the knuckle of my big toe.

Wife: Where did that go?
Me: I felt something land on my toe (pointed at my foot)
Wife: Where?
Me: Right there, I see something on the ground (it looked like a drop of relish juice)
Wife (talking, not signing, as she bent down to investigate): Oh, it's just snot (she wiped it off with her finger)
Me: Snot? Gross!
Wife: No, haha...I said "ice" (fingerspelled)

* Homemade tartar sauce is surprisingly simple to make - you just need some mayonnaise and either relish or worchester sauce (or even both). Feel free to experiment to find your ideal mixture ratio, and don't hesitate to try spices and herbs.

Say What? "School basement"

My wife was complaining to me about how some people's sign language skills are abysmally bad. I was trying to explain to my wife about the level of signing in our area versus other cities due to certain deaf schools.

Me: You have to understand that the schools here place a huge emphasis on oral education...
Wife: Yes, I know that.
Me: Let me finish, okay? With the school environment like ours, I am not surprised that people who went to those schools have not progressed much at all despite having signed for a quarter of century or more.
Wife chewed this over with her face contorted into a puzzled look and said, "School basement? Huh?"

It was my turn to lose it because she has had her fun at my "Say What?" moments. I was almost in tears from laughter. ;)

Say What? "Frozen seeds"

I was eating dinner with family and friends at their house when I noticed that the bread was cold.

Me: Has the bread been baked?
Friend: Yeah, but I can do it again for frozen seeds.
Me: Huh?
Friend looks at me, puzzled...my wife starts to smile as she looks on...
Me: Frozen seeds?
Friend: Wha..."Frozen seeds"? What are you talking about?
My wife says something to him
Friend: Oh! I said forty seconds. (Chuckles at me)

And I curse my brain's autocorrection... ;)

Say What? "I'm making eye-talian"

I went into the kitchen to ask my wife what we are having for dinner. She was in motion as she spoke, moving sideways away from me...

"I'm making eye-talian."

Me: "Hmm? You just boiled eggs and you're making Italian? Why did you say Italian as eye-talian?"

Her (chuckles softly): "No, I am making egg salad. You're silly."

Say What? "I need a mate"

When I went in to buy pool passes for the family, the woman in charge of processing was already familiar with me. She said what sounded like $118 and I said "Is that 118 or 180?" Triggered a flashback involving words that sound like "ate".

This was about 25 years ago, on a fishing trip while we were relaxing on a boat.

Friend (puts his hand out to me): I need a mate.
Me: What? What's wrong with me?
Friend: What?
Me: I am your mate, right?
Friend: Yes...what are you talking about?
Me: Why would you need a mate when I am right here?
Friend: What are you talking about?!?
Me: What was it you said to me?
Friend: Uh...when?
Me: Just now, when you said you need a mate. What, am I invisible?
Friend: Oh! No, you moron! I need a (enunciates carefully) BAIT.

I should've figured that out since we were on a freaking boat and he was holding his fishing pole... It's easy to confuse how a certain part of a word is pronounced, like "eighteen" or "eighty", let alone "mate" or "bait". ;)

Say What? "Land of evil"

Yesterday, my wife and I went to a local mall to track down an ATM that's serviced by our bank.

Me: I thought it was right here (upon entering the mall and not seeing the ATM where I thought it would be), but maybe it is up there to the right (pointing to the escalators). I think.

Wife: I think it's land of evil.

Me: Huh? Say that again.

Wife: Land of evil

Me: Land of...oh, lower level! I thought you said "land of evil".

Wife: Haha, all ATMs should be in the land of evil! (laughs)

Say what? "Shut your vote"

While watching a movie in some darkness, a friend leaned over and mouthed "Shut your vote."

I signed, "What?"

Friend (enunciating more): "Shut...your...vote."

I thought this over, trying to make sense of that...I signed "Shut?" with a quizzical look on my face.

Friend: "No, check your vote."

Me (signing): "Check my...vote?"

Friend cracked up and said, "Check your phone."

Geez, YOU try lipreading in the darkness! LOL

Say What? "Vanilla butter"

Friend: "Are you vanilla butter now?"

Me: "Huh? Am I vanilla butter?"

Friend (after needing several long moments to regain composure): "No, what I said was 'Are you feeling better now?'"

Talk about feeling sheepish! ;)

The Say What? series was revived when someone anonymously sent me a Formspring question last week Tuesday, asking me to bring it back to help ease the withdrawals. I know who that would be. ;)

Say What? "Light commerce"

My wife and I were talking about how we meet people and how some of them came into our existence when she said "light commerce".

Naturally, I had this look of...yes, you guessed it from other Say What? posts...confusion on my face. Again naturally...my wife had this look of amusement on her face, eagerly awaiting to hear what I thought she said.

What did she actually say that didn't make sense initially?

Latecomers. LOL

Say What? "Now nothing has happened, it's a runaway"

My wife and I were laying in bed, making small talk.

Wife: "now nothing has happened, it's a runaway"

I get puzzled at that. Nothing makes sense. I chew on that a bit.

My wife sees that I am confused and she looks at me with a look of expectation on her face. I know she's waiting for me to tell her what I think she said. After a roar of laughter from her, she said "No...what I said was now that I've had a nap, I'm wide awake."

I passed out from fatigue 5 minutes later. :)

Say What? "No rest for the weekend"

My wife was totally stressed out over the lineup of job assignments and said with a sigh, "No rest for the weekend".

THAT is what my brain told me. I repeated that back to her. She stopped dead in her tracks and I immediately realized she had used an idiom.

"No rest for the wicked"

You hearies and the idioms! LOL

Say What? "I madly need a state bid"

My wife and I are in bed and she is all bundled up. The cold front had moved in unexpectedly with some rain. She said "I madly need a state bid" and I got puzzled. I repeated that back to her. After a bout of hysterical laughter, she composed herself enough to say...

I

Badly

Need

A

Second

Blanket

Say What? "Starving face mouse poop"

Scene: My wife saw something on my shirt and brushed it off

Her (deadpan): You've got starving face mouse poop.
Me (after pondering this over for quite a bit): Say that again
Her: Soft fuzzy mouse poop

She burst out laughing when I told her what I thought she had said.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Say What? "Fake chicken"

Scene: my wife is cooking dinner. I smell that and I investigate.

Me: What are you cooking?
Her: Green beans and fake chicken
Me: Fake chicken? Are you kidding me?
Her (laughing): No, "fettucini" is what I said. "Fake chicken"? You kill me!

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Formspring Q & A #7

Q: I've seen/read about deaf people who can lipread 100%. How can some do that perfectly while others can't? I must say I enjoy your "Say What?" posts - they're hilarious!

A: I've never met a deaf person who can lipread 100%, let alone a hard of hearing or hearing person. My "Say What?" posts show the pitfalls beautifully where a word could be "misread" as another.

Want to make the bed/bet?
Sex/six would be great.
Go stand in the order/corner.

I could go on. I used to be envious of such people, but I realized that after meeting thousands of deaf people...I have yet to meet one who can. I am NOT saying that their claims are dubious - just never met one who could. My opinion? I doubt there's anyone who can lipread 100%.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Say What? "Can she go snake and swimming with us?"

Scene: I am at a public pool with my daughter when one of her friends sees us and comes over.

Friend: "Can she go snake and swimming with us?"
Me: "You want her to swim side to side like a snake?"
Friend (confused): "Huh?"

Oh boy, time to repeat back to her what I thought she said...

Me: "Did you ask me if she can snake and swim with you?"
Friend (giggles, smiles at me): "No, (motions with her hand, "pushing down" with palm down) slide...(points at the water slide over there)."
Me: "Oh! I was thinking why would you want her to snake around! (laughs with her) Sure, go have fun!"

-Editor's note: I just left for vacation today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I have queued up the posts to the end of the month, so please keep coming back for new posts. I will respond to your comments when I can. Enjoy!

Say What? "Eye test development"

Scene: My wife is washing the dishes when I come in

Her: Okay, here's the eye test development
Me (puzzled): What do I need that for? I already know the result.
Her: What result?
Me: My eye test
Her: What eye test are you talking about?
Me: You said eye test development
Her: You're really in need of new glasses...I said "Latest development"

Say What? "Hehe, you're suave"

Scene: I am at a zoo with my girls and my older daughter starts a conversation with me

Her (giggles at me): Hehe, you're suave
Me: Huh?
Her (pointing at my arm): Suave, you're suave
Me (looks down and sees the stuffed giraffe doll in my arm): Oh! Giraffe!
Her: Yeah, your giraffe. You're a big baby. (giggles again)