Say What? "Starving face mouse poop"

Scene: My wife saw something on my shirt and brushed it off

Her (deadpan): You've got starving face mouse poop.
Me (after pondering this over for quite a bit): Say that again
Her: Soft fuzzy mouse poop

She burst out laughing when I told her what I thought she had said.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Formspring Q & A #8

Q: When did you learn to how to sign?

A: That's the shortest question I've ever had. Here's my shortest answer - when I was 25 years old.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Say What? "Fake chicken"

Scene: my wife is cooking dinner. I smell that and I investigate.

Me: What are you cooking?
Her: Green beans and fake chicken
Me: Fake chicken? Are you kidding me?
Her (laughing): No, "fettucini" is what I said. "Fake chicken"? You kill me!

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Formspring Q & A #7

Q: I've seen/read about deaf people who can lipread 100%. How can some do that perfectly while others can't? I must say I enjoy your "Say What?" posts - they're hilarious!

A: I've never met a deaf person who can lipread 100%, let alone a hard of hearing or hearing person. My "Say What?" posts show the pitfalls beautifully where a word could be "misread" as another.

Want to make the bed/bet?
Sex/six would be great.
Go stand in the order/corner.

I could go on. I used to be envious of such people, but I realized that after meeting thousands of deaf people...I have yet to meet one who can. I am NOT saying that their claims are dubious - just never met one who could. My opinion? I doubt there's anyone who can lipread 100%.

-Editor's note: I am on vacation as of today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I will respond when I can. Enjoy!

Say What? "Can she go snake and swimming with us?"

Scene: I am at a public pool with my daughter when one of her friends sees us and comes over.

Friend: "Can she go snake and swimming with us?"
Me: "You want her to swim side to side like a snake?"
Friend (confused): "Huh?"

Oh boy, time to repeat back to her what I thought she said...

Me: "Did you ask me if she can snake and swim with you?"
Friend (giggles, smiles at me): "No, (motions with her hand, "pushing down" with palm down) slide...(points at the water slide over there)."
Me: "Oh! I was thinking why would you want her to snake around! (laughs with her) Sure, go have fun!"

-Editor's note: I just left for vacation today and will not be returning until the end of the month. I have queued up the posts to the end of the month, so please keep coming back for new posts. I will respond to your comments when I can. Enjoy!

Formspring Q & A #6

Q: What's the dumbest question you've been asked regarding your deafness?

A: I never forgot that day. It happened on my first day on my first ever job. I was hired as a bag boy at a commissary, working for tips. Pitiful, I know. I was reading a newspaper during a break and a co-worker saw me doing that, so he said: "You can read?" Umm...yes. I wanted SO MUCH to say to him "No, I like to sit there and pretend to read in a desperate hope of fooling everyone." He then asked me to read out loud an article. I did that without missing a word. He deliberately pointed at another article few pages in. I read it out to him perfectly, word for word. Jeez.

Say What? "Eye test development"

Scene: My wife is washing the dishes when I come in

Her: Okay, here's the eye test development
Me (puzzled): What do I need that for? I already know the result.
Her: What result?
Me: My eye test
Her: What eye test are you talking about?
Me: You said eye test development
Her: You're really in need of new glasses...I said "Latest development"

Formspring Q & A #5

This is just too funny...a blogger friend asked me this on the last Friday of May and I got this last Tuesday...

Q: What is your opinion on cochlear implants and the impact it has on the deaf community?

A: Some of you are not aware of the firestorm the cochlear implant (CI) has on the deaf community. I'll educate you briefly (you can find more on Google) on why that is controversial. The deaf community is strongly opposed to CI for two reasons - "genocide" of the deaf culture and the age of the CI recipients.

Many deaf people feel that by allowing CIs in the kids, these kids would grow up and not embrace the deaf culture anymore. That does happen and their fears are justified, I'll grant you that...but on the flip side, I have seen children of deaf adults (who have not received CI) either embrace or disdain the deaf culture, regardless of their hearing ability.

As for the age of the CI recipients, that is even a bigger controversy. How so? Imagine that you are 21 years old...some government agent or doctor tells you that you must give up your love for sports and allow the doctors to scoop out some bone from your skull, compromising the skull integrity. You must wear some bionic modification and you must maintain it at all times. You do not have a say in this. You would not like that, right?

Now, imagine that you are a baby and you lost your hearing. Having CI will restore that, but at a price - you lose your skull integrity and some residual hearing when the doctors cut through the nerves to implant the CI. What if...you grow up and you want to play baseball? No, you can't because there's a risk of a line drive to your head. Football? Nope. Lacrosse? Nope. Any sport? Bowling, sure...darts, sure...anything NOT remotely possible of injury to the head and that's not much else you can do. Sorry.

I am NOT going to debate whether or not the parents have the right to do this to their kids or even the moral/ethical obligations. That would be a LONG and protracted post. I'll leave that to professionals, educators, doctors, and deaf advocates to slug it out.

My opinion on CI is this...if you want one, go for it. What about those who cannot make informed decisions? I always hesitate to answer, but I would allow them to receive CI if I feel that this would not be a problem for them later on. I suspect that my older daughter would want to remain active in sports and I think my younger may like to play sports. If that is the case, then I would not allow them to receive CI. My girls are old enough to understand, but not enough to decide on their own. I would listen to them first though.

The other downside of being a person with CI is being shunned for having CI. I won't ostracize those people like some other deaf people do. I have known a few deaf people who got CI and some of them do benefit from having CI. They are VERY happy with having CI. However, few others have stopped using the CI completely because they didn't like it anymore. They cannot undo what was done to them in order to have CI. See what I mean?

There will ALWAYS be controversy when it comes to "helping" the deaf people. If a scientist discovers a way to permanently fix the hearing loss without any surgical modification (think "Star Trek")...do you think the deaf people would embrace that? Nope.

Say What? "Hehe, you're suave"

Scene: I am at a zoo with my girls and my older daughter starts a conversation with me

Her (giggles at me): Hehe, you're suave
Me: Huh?
Her (pointing at my arm): Suave, you're suave
Me (looks down and sees the stuffed giraffe doll in my arm): Oh! Giraffe!
Her: Yeah, your giraffe. You're a big baby. (giggles again)