Say What? "Legally reduced resume"

Scene: my wife was holding a phone in one hand and trying to sign to me what she loves to say

Allow me to explain here what I mean about "signing one-handed". When a sign requires two hands and you are holding something, it is okay to use one hand. If you're not encumbered, then you're considered to be lazy. ;)

Her (signing one-handed): Legally reduced resume
Me (signing): Say that again
Her (signing): Legally reduced resume
Me (voicing what I think she said): Legally reduced resume?
Her (signing with two hands): Now, that's interesting how you interpreted that! What I said was "Law of diminishing returns".

Say What? "On the order"

Scene: I was telling a co-worker that I need some extra money.


Her: Go stand in the order and...

Me (interrupting her): What order? I don't understand.

Her: What are you talking about?

Me: You told me to use the order. What order?

Her (confused): What?

Me (after seeing that maybe I misunderstood her): Didn't you say "Go stand in the order"?

Her: No...(laughter)...no, I said...(laughter)..."Go stand on the corner and sell yourself"!

Formspring Q & A #4

Latest submitted entry: "What's your scariest and worst moment as a parent? This is a two-part question."

That's really interesting how that question was framed...asking me to identify two separate moments. I can tell you right off the bat what those two moments are with each child.

My oldest - the scariest moment was when she was 3...she was being a big girl by handling a bowling ball by herself at a bowling alley. I did tell her to watch for the step up to the wooden floor, but she missed it and fell over while holding the bowling ball. She landed so hard on the ball that her tongue got lacerated in two places. She needed stitches for her tongue.

Trust me, that wasn't even the worst moment. It came about 8 months later when she accidentally got stuck in her closet (the door had a tendency to stick)...while I was napping. She had apparently left the bed to get her baby blanket - she was stuck in there for about an hour and she was unable to hold it in anymore. Imagine how I felt when I discovered her and saw the mess. That day, I sanded down the door so it wouldn't stick at all and I ordered a new alert device for the bed that would shake me awake if something was happening.

As for my youngest, the scariest moment was when she was 12 months old and seeing her fall backwards off our bed - it rests only on box springs with nothing underneath and is only 1.5 feet high, but her fall may as well have been 4 feet...she landed flat on her back with the back of her head connecting solidly with the floor. She cried so hard that she started involuntarily shaking her head to one side as if she was having neurological damages from the fall. I was scared that she had suffered some lasting head injury. She's fine now with no nuerological damage and her memory is amazingly sharp.

The worst moment occurred few months ago when I lost my temper and yelled at her. I have never EVER yelled at my older daughter...and I did with my younger daughter. I felt so bad about yelling at her that I cried for a long while. I felt that there was no excuse for that, no matter what the circumstances were. She and I have learned how to relate to each other better since then.

Say What? "Read a mind"

Scene: Kitchen, dinnertime


Me (eyeing the food on the counter): Everything is good to go?

Her: "Read a mind"


That's what it sounded like to me what my wife said as she turned away from me to bring dinner to the girls. What she said was: "Ready made"

Deaf P.O.V. - "You are vampires"

When I was growing up, my exposure to the deaf world was limited...school and whomever was around (rare occurance). So, I lived in the hearing world and I got to observe many things firsthand. The problem was I didn't always understand, but I learned quickly to go with the flow. Always knew I'd figure it out later on.

One of the things I learned without questioning was the habit of waiting for the person to invite you inside when you visit. We all know the drill - you stop by and you "announce" your arrival by knocking or ringing the doorbell or showing your face. The person greets you and decides to let you in or not. Simple, right?

Not so for an average deaf person who grew up in the deaf world. Why? They know that others will see them "talking" and they don't want eavesdroppers. The hearing people only have to worry about talking too loudly and the deaf people can be "heard" from any considerable distance. I've signed to people from 5th floor, clearly without any need to shout. LOL

So, to hide from the eavesdroppers, they just walk in and start talking. I started living with other deaf people at a college dorm and it was a huge adjustment for me to make when they would just barge in after I opened the door to find out who was there.

Some time later in that year, someone brought out a horror flick about vampires. It was "Fright Night" and I grinned when I made the connection between the hearing people and the vampires - you don't enter a residence unless you are invited in. Therefore, you are all vampires. ;)

Say What? "The shirt is loud"

Scene: My wife and I are doing our favorite game where I tell a story or say things to her...without voice or aid of sign language. This helps strengthen her lipreading skills because she has found that to be not only fun but useful during loud moments.

Her (discussing about which item to use for decoration): We could use this one instead of that one. What do you think?

Me: I don't know, the jury is still out.

Her (confused): The shirt is loud?

I cracked up hard at that. Took me several minutes to compose myself and try again before she finally understood what I had said. Remains our favorite lipreading blooper to date.